Intrusive Thoughts

I’m not sure if I’m depressed.
Over thinking’s the first step.
I analysed the thoughts I had.
Ignored a few but most I kept
But mentioning those ignored thoughts,
makes me think they never went.
If I forgot they were still there,
how come they’re still so relevant?

I’m conscious of sub-conscious thoughts.
I guess those thoughts come up a lot.
They are the type you’ll never say,
the type that’ll never get you caught.
They only hurt those with a conscience:
an overactive sense of guilt.
They tend to seep through mental walls,
of empty thoughts…those poorly built.

One’s empty thoughts are obvious,
they are the things your eyes can see.
Like say you see some tasty food,
you might just think you’re quite hungry.
My thoughts will often go beyond that.
Occasionally they’re kinda scary.
Sometimes, I’m lucky and they’re mild
Sometimes I’d rather not be near me.

The scary ones: “Intrusive thoughts”
are often found in OCD-ers.
I used to think I was just weird
so let’s thank God for Wikipedias.
They tend to come when I’m alone;
When everybody’s gone to bed.
They seem to thrive when I am worried,
Oh what cruel voices in my head.

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The Cost Of Love

Think of love as just material,
resembling money in the pocket.
A normal man, for the dumbest things, 
wouldn’t hesitate to drop it. 
It has no obvious value, 
but the lucky few that have it, make it.
It can be torn so easily, 
yet desperate men still opt to take it. 
Greedy ones will try to steal it
and never want to reveal it 
But yet by keeping it to themselves
they’ll never really, truly feel it
But like money, love goes around 
in what seems like endless cycles.
So I only pray that come pay day 
my new investments are more insightful.

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It’s Okay

It’s okay to live a little
and to love for the sake of love
and it’s okay to just say no
even if the world threatens to judge.

It’s okay if you find you’re gay
and just as okay to be straight
You can refuse to eat the things life serves you
if you have too much on your plate.

It’s okay to question reality
and ask yourself why you exist
and it’s okay to make up your mind
or if questioned, to plead the fifth

It’s okay to not believe me
and assume the world’s bunged full of liars
It’s okay to deny your parents faith
and find your own way without their bias

It’s okay to respect your parents
even if they chose to spare the rod
and it’s okay to follow science
and it’s okay to believe in God

You should know it’s okay to be scared
of what you just can’t understand
and it’s okay to be a boy
until you’re ready to be a man

It’s okay if you disagree with me
and let society control you
and it’s okay to follow the masses
if when you’re lonely they console you

But what I’m trying to say
is it’s okay to simply be yourself
because in the end, when all’s said and done
I will love you if no one else.

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A Bit About Me

I often wrestle with my hands
and have bad thoughts I don’t intend
and I still can’t ride a bike
and left and right just make no sense.
And when my feet can’t touch the ground,
or if the chair can move at all…
…I get this overwhelming fear,
that if I lean back I will fall.
I think religion ruined God
yet to this day I’m a believer.
I like to think His message’s good
and we’re just real f**ked up receivers.
I sucked my thumb till I was 10.
I really hate being upside down.
And I was bullied throughout school
and I became the class room clown.
Faked confidence when I was hated
It seems I’m awkward now I’m loved
and people tell me I was brave
That wasn’t me….I covered up
I often doubt the things I know
as life has taught me not to trust.
Some friends I have weren’t friends before
but they’ve moved on. I know I must.

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What If?

What if I forget
what it feels like to kiss?
What if I let go
and you’re the one chance I missed?

What if you find someone
who makes you happier than I could?
Thought we’d grow up together
Maybe you did and I should.

What if I didn’t love you
but you were crucial experience
and I’m punished with fear
for not being resilient?

What if every other girl
has the shadow of you
and cutting you off
cut my soul from them too?

What if I’m like this forever
and never move on
because I never learnt how to
before you moved on?

What if I’m single forever
’cause you’re the one meant to teach me
and now my only hope left
seems to no longer need me.

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Drink young soldier

Drink young soldier.
Drink to those who lead you.
Drink to drown out all the cries
of those who didn’t need you.

Drink to empty promises.
Drink to understand.
How one can become an animal.
How one can kill a man.

Drink to all the tortured
and those who had no trial.
Drink to block out memories
and replace them with denial.

Drink to children killed
who never threatened yours.
Drink to try to justify
a fabricated cause.

Drink because you didn’t know
they were innocent civilians.
Drink to try and cloak yourself
as just one in a million.

Drink young soldier.
Drink to those who lead you.
Drink to drown out all the cries
of those who didn’t need you.

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Child

Your eyes radiate with innocence that has long been forgotten
You are ignorant to a history that has been so rotten
You smile at everyone without lies in your heart
Something that sets great men and betrayers apart
You face the world with curiosity not fear
You are the key symbol of a new hope that’s near
Yet all of this, you don’t seem to know
But don’t worry, you still have many years left to grow

(Dedicated to my favourite little nephew, Foye)

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